Paphos People

Something to Really Offend Everyone - !

A history teacher asks a class full of kids - 'What was Churchill famous for?'
A kid at the back shouts out 'He was the last white man to be called Winston!'

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Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China ?
Everybody won.
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What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?
About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
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Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans. Got through to a call centre in Pakistan .
Told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.......
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A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says 'Show me it's true what they say about black men'.....
So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.
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I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
'Oi, what's your disability?'
I said 'Tourettes! Now fubar off!'
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A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes: I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arm-pit?'
'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'
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What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?
Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.
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A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'.
He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.
She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !'.
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Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees Sister Rose washing the kitchen floor.
He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground..
As he's shagging her the Rev Mother comes in.
'SISTER ROSE!!!' she roars 'Have some respect.
Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's balls off the wet floor!!'
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A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.
His wife replies, 'You've got a bigger knob than your brother.'
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When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.
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My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed..
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
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A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a rooster like that."
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I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a crap."
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Disabled toilets.
Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
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I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!
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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed..
How could anyone stoop so low?
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I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
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I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop sexy person.
When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet..
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"