Paphos People

I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES

In the early 1960’s in England there was much charitable work to be carried out in the local community. Despite Harold Macmillan’s proclamation that ‘You’ve never had it so good’ there were many war widows with fatherless children struggling to live the decent life that their husbands had paid the ultimate price for.
I was very proud and pleased to be elected as the Grand Poobah of the Ancient and Loyal Order of Wildebeast. It was 1962 and the lodge was in its first year. The aim of the lodge was basically along the lines of the Masonic Society but without the backing of big business or vast amounts of cash. Things went well throughout the year, we had a day out at the seaside, a trip to the pantomime and of course a Christmas party as well as many charity cases. As my term as Poobah drew to a close there was a meeting to decide how best to continue the good work.
Firstly a new Poobah was elected and I was thanked for my sterling service. It was proposed that a portrait of each Grand Poobah would be painted with a resume of the work carried out under his leadership. When the portrait was proposed, I felt very humbled and exalted at the same time. The position had been just a job for me, albeit a very important one, but just a job.
The proposed artist was the second cousin of the treasurer and had recently graduated from the Royal College of Modernistic Art. This was to be his first commission - plus he was cheap!

The initial meeting was for him to get the measure of my shape and poise. He asked me how I envisaged the portrait. I said that I wanted to be seated, slightly sideways and looking at the horizon in an interesting way as a noble looking Wildebeast would. I was to be set against a backdrop of something new and contemporary which would mark the era when I was Poobah. I was to be dressed in the official robes and regalia of the important office that I held. That image would then be immortalised on the wall of the lodge for eternity. This was the first painting of the Poobah and I felt honoured.

The first sitting was very brief he just wanted to get the pose and perspective of the whole scene correct. The canvas was on an easel and when he’d finished the sketching, he covered it with a sheet. He only wanted the painting to be seen when it was completed.
There were not that many sittings but one was strange when he measured my nose and ears making many notes and more sketches. I was looking forward to dressing in full ceremonial dress for what I presumed would be the final touch. Enquiring when that would be, he told me that he had photos of the robes and he would work from them.

The weeks went by very slowly it seemed ages. How long did it take to produce a portrait? The truth was I didn’t know but I was sure that he wouldn’t reveal my picture until he was one hundred percent satisfied with it himself.

Finally the big day came, there was to be a formal lunch at the lodge, followed by the official unveiling of my portrait. It was a very convivial affair and much alcohol was consumed. After lunch everybody gathered around the veiled canvas, with a drink in their hands. A short speech by the treasurer was followed by the unveiling of the work of art. We waited with bated breath as he pulled the gold coloured cord and the maroon and gold velvet cover dropped to the floor.

SILENCE! Every single person in the room was struck dumb!

Before them was a picture of a Wildebeast seated on a throne in the full ceremonial regalia against a backdrop of Campbell’s Soup cans ‘a la Andy Warhol’ his hero. The labels on the cans were proudly displaying the contents as GNU SOUP.
The Wildebeast was casually seated with one leg crossed over the other, hooves and horns were polished shiny black, and he was looking to the horizon in a very interesting way.
But his face was amazing. It was MY face cleverly distorted to fit the shape of the Wildebeast’s head. A closer inspection revealed my chin, my mouth, an elongated version of my nose and my ears standing out proudly from the top of its head. I couldn’t BELIEVE my eyes literally!