Paphos People

NEW RULES by ICC for the teams visiting Australia: 2008 - To be
implemented with immediate effect


(1) Ricky Ponting (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND
WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH
UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will
over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can
seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This
rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of
the FOURTH UMPIRE.

(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to
the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be
considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or
grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be sought from the
FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with
SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.

(3) While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE
decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might
not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR
TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE
CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.

(4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a
century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge
bonuses and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.

(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all
players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they
will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in
any other language are to be considered as RACISM only..

(6) MATCH REFEREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM
advice only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be
considered for hearing. MATCH REFEREES are to be given a huge bonus if
this rule is implemented.

(7) NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure
that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.

( THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - THE
UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET more than twice
in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to
ensure that the best batsman/Captain can play to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.

We need some emoticons with the zzzzzzz I think..

Pete